Christmas Classics for Little Angels

COMPOSERS: Various
LABELS: Newsound
PERFORMER: Various
CATALOGUE NO: NSMM 003

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Now we come to the finalists in this year’s competition for the coveted title of ‘Christmas Disc from Hell’.  Second place goes to CHRISTMAS CLASSICS FOR LITTLE ANGELS (Newsound NSMM 003, £9.99), the latest in a series of ‘Majors for Minors’ discs marketed under the trademark ‘Brain Food for Kids’.

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You might be more tempted, however, to swallow its dubious claims that force-feeding under-sixes with shoddily synthesised arrangements of ‘classical’ music improves their minds, if a gushingly inane (and revealingly anonymous) booklet note quote about angels (‘the guardians of hope and wonder, the keepers of magic and dreams… Wherever there is love an angel is flying by…’) didn’t prove beyond doubt that, whatever those Midi washes, vocoder choirs and tinkling bell-tones might do for babies’ brains, they’ve done nothing for the mental health of this disc’s creators.