You’ve checked off the greatest hits collections and milked the farewell tours for all they’re worth.
So what’s the final move? The memoir, naturally – the perfect chance to set the record straight (or at least your version of it). If the stars align, you might even get to release a few updated editions to squeeze in the new wives, the inevitable reunions, the health scares, or that sudden mid-life discovery of a higher power.
I’ve waded through the entire spectrum of these rock autobiographies – from the painfully dull to the genuinely unputdownable – so you don't have to. Though, truth be told, for the best ones on this list, you definitely should.
21. Ray Davies: X-Ray
Subtitled ‘the unauthorised autobiography’, this is every bit as entertaining as that promise, being The Kinks’ frontman’s own idiosyncratic and highly entertaining account of his life and career.
20. Dave Mustaine: A Life In Metal
The bloke who was kicked out of Metallica for kicking James Hetfield’s dog and decided to seek revenge by forming an even bigger metal band – and almost succeeded with Megadeth – sure has a great story to tell. Happily, he tells it well in this amusing memoir, though the unsuspecting should be warned that he also becomes a Christian.
19. Ann and Nancy Wilson: Kicks and Dreaming
Women in rock are rare enough; memoirs by women in rock are even more rare. Sisters Ann and Nancy Wilson give an insiders’ account of the Heart story, revealing appalling tales of the sexism they experienced along the way.
18. Noddy Holder: Who’s Crazee Now?
The former Slade frontman, who was presumably able to retire on the annual royalties of That Christmas Hit, delivers a genuinely hilarious autobiography with plenty of glam rock, shagging and general lurid 1970s behaviour.
17. Neil Young: Waging Heavy Peace
A suitably huge, rambling and non-linear 2012 memoir in which ornery old Neil tells it as he sees it. Best read in conjunction with Jimmy McDonough’s biography Shakey.
16. Rob Halford: Confess
Judas Priest’s singer didn’t officially come out of the closet until 1998, though it’s astonishing that anybody ever imagined he was straight. The fact is, as Rob was delighted to discover, that the vast majority of fans didn’t care what he got up to in the bedroom.
Had he denounced heavy metal, however, things would have been very different. His entertaining autobiography whisks us from his working-class Walsall upbringing to the glamorous world of rock’n’roll, with its many temptations.
15. Rose Simpson: Muse, Odalisque, Handmaiden
Subtitled A Girl’s Life in the Incredible String Band, this perceptive and honest account details how the future Lady Mayoress of Aberystwyth carved out a place for herself in one of the greatest of sixties psychedelic folk bands, surviving both Scientology and Woodstock along the way.
14. Rick Wakeman: Grumpy Old Rock Star... And Other Wondrous Stories
Grumpy Old Rick has always been one of prog rock’s great raconteurs, and his two volumes of anecdotage (there’s ‘Further Adventures of a Grumpy Old Rock Star’ too) are laugh-out-loud treats. You’ll still be chuckling at the yarn about a mother and daughter in a queue for autographs (Rick fears he might be the girl’s father) months after reading it.
13. Neil Peart: Ghost Rider
Not a book about rock music, as you might expect from Rush’s drummer and lyricist, but a moving, emotional travelogue that charts how he re-evaluated his life through an epic motorcycle journey following the deaths of his wife and daughter.
12. Graham Nash: Wild Tales
Charting his unlikely journey from childhood in Manchester and The Hollies to Laurel Canyon superstardom with Crosby Stills & Nash and romance with Joni Mitchell, Nash’s honest memoir also takes in the politics of the time with great candour.
11. Elton John: Me
Elton’s bestselling autobiography is every bit as enjoyable and eye-opening as the reviews suggested, though rock nerds will particularly enjoy the ‘Zelig’ moments – such as the time he auditioned unsuccessfully for prog rock greats Gentle Giant. Imagine how different rock history would have been had he passed the audition.
10. Bob Dylan: Chronicles Volume One
Bob’s Nobel Prize-winning, insightful early years autobiography should need no introduction... but here goes. Chronicles is the gold standard for the 'unreliable narrator' memoir. Rather than a linear slog through his life, he offers a beautifully hazy, impressionistic dive into specific snapshots, like his early days in Greenwich Village. It’s written with a rhythmic, poetic flow that manages to be deeply revealing while still keeping his legendary mystique completely intact.
We’re still waiting for Volume Two.
9. Richard Thompson: Beeswing
The guitar great spills the beans on his early days with Fairport Convention, surviving the car crash that killed his girlfriend and the band’s drummer, and much more, in a typically biting, informative memoir that reveals just how much he’s packed in to his eventful life.
8. Steven Tyler: Does the Noise in My Head Bother You?
Aerosmith’s story has been told many times, not least in their collective autobiography with Stephen Davis, but frontman Tyler’s first-hand account of a life of sex, drugs and rock’n’roll is genuinely astonishing.
7. Nick Mason: Inside Out
With Waters intent on feuding with Gilmour and Rick Wright no longer with us, drummer Nick Mason keeps the flame of Pink Floyd alive, both with his excellent Saucerful of Secrets touring live show and with this ‘personal history’ of the band, which is typically informative, funny and self-deprecating.
6. David Crosby: Long Time Gone
The late, great Cros delivers the warts and, well, more warts autobiography we crave in this extraordinary memoir, which tells how the man with the beautiful voice ruined his liver.
5. Ozzy Osboune: I Am Ozzy
He was indeed. As hilarious as the man himself, I Am Ozzy sees the Black Sabbath frontman marvelling that he’s still alive as he delivers the anecdotage we crave. You close the book wondering how he lasted so long. Fellow Sabbathmen Tony Iommi and Geezer Butler have also written enjoyable autobiographies, but the Ozzy one is the must-buy.
4. Robbie Robertson: Testimony
Robertson demonstrates his credentials as a storyteller with this riveting account of his life and career with The Band and Bob Dylan, up to and including the legendary Last Waltz.
Testimony is a cinematic masterclass in storytelling, delivered with the sharp eye of a man who spent his life watching the world through a lens. He chronicles the transition from the grit of the Toronto club scene to the high-stakes pressure of backing Bob, all leading up to the legendary mythology of The Band. It’s a stylish, vividly detailed account of rock’s golden age.
3. Don Felder: Heaven and Hell
Subtitled My life in The Eagles 1974-2001, this explosive memoir lifts the lids on the rancour behind the Eagles’ public-facing ‘peaceful easy feeling’, especially Glenn Frey and Don Henley’s control freakery. It’s only part of the story, for sure, but what a story!
2. Ian Hunter: Diary of a Rock’n’Roll Star
Written way back in 1974, this is the one book that every aspiring rock musician should read. It strips away all the glamour as it chronicles the drudgery of Mott the Hoople’s 1972 US tour, during which Hunter kept a detailed journal.
1. Anthony Kiedis: Scar Tissue
With this astonishing autobiography, the Red Hot Chili Peppers frontman was justly rewarded with a bestseller that appealed well beyond his band’s fanbase. ‘Scar Tissue’ goes behind the ‘socks on cocks’ jollity to paint a genuinely hair-raising portrait of Kiedis’s early life with his errant father Blackie and includes formative moments in his band – such as the death of guitarist Hillel Slovak – of which fans of the breakthrough ‘Californication’ era may not be aware.
Pics Getty Images. Top pic: Eagles, 1976. From left, Don Felder, Joe Walsh, Don Henley, Randy Meisner, Glenn Frey), 1976
